Knights of Rytellia

Author’s Note: This series is based on a story of mine that I wrote last summer for a contest held by a charming fellow named Knux. He of course, being the host of the contest, set the general plot of the story, and I built around that a comedic story of medieval heroes saving a princess. My entry won, and it was called Tale of a Knight. It currently resides in the Runevillage Library if you wish to go read it. Tale of a Knight had little cut-ins from a narrator who is actually an older version of the main character, Avidan. This will not have those, due to the fact that they weren't popular to the contest judges. And now, enjoy.


One

It’s been one whole year since the whole incident with Azazel, and things are somewhat different around Rytellia these days. I still hold my oh-so-proud and awesome position as Captain of the Knights, and most of us still hold our positions. Namely, Tervil, Lance, and I. Not really most of us, but that’s beside the point, whatever the point is.

You know about Koler, Lylack and Mezzo’s deaths, that is if you read my last chronicle. If you haven’t, you should. Good stuff, really. See, I’ve even got this shiny link HereMnok's note: link needed for you. Shiny, eh?

Anyways, Rotern retired about half a year ago after he was mauled within an inch of his life by about ten extremely agitated cats. One calico, thought to be their ringleader, was interrogated later. He didn’t fall under the pressure though; he was one tough feline. All they managed to get out of him was one word: “Meow”. Enigmatic, I know. Professionals believe that it may be either an anagram or an acronym. The other nine whiskered fiends weren’t captured, and the calico, nicknamed Calico, escaped from jail. Witnesses report that he slinked through the bars of his window. Genius fellow. Rotern now lives in solitude in a beachside shack near the Kerrap Ocean.

Crytin died of age a month after Rotern retired. Odd, I had thought he was around thirty years old. Speaking of age, I’m only twenty-four. It was odd when they found him; he was just lying in bed, all wrinkly and what-not, just being… well, dead. So there should be five new knights, correct? Well, wrong. There’s only one. The King thought that we would be better suited in smaller numbers(dont' ask why...). Barely anyone applies for recruitment these days, possibly due to the number of knights’ deaths recently.

Anywho, the new guy... he is an inquisitive young fellow named Steve, around the age of seventeen. He was born and raised in Rytellia, previously a page for the dying king. He trained under Tervil every day for the past few months, and he’s come far. A month ago, he was knighted. He wields two rapiers, and I will tell you that he is a fair fighter with them. I sparred with him once, and he nearly beat me. Nearly. No really, I beat him fair and square. I didn’t cheat by throwing a torch from the wall at him, burning his clothes off and nearly killing him. >.>

Right well, that’s old news anyways. Today is the day of a celebratory ball for Princess Raquel, as due to her father’s near death, she is being crowned Queen. I just hope nothing goes wrong like the last time we had a ball…

I looked in the mirror at myself. Sharp. I had donned a brand new blue tunic, and done my hair up special. I strapped on my belt and sheath, purely for show, and left my quarters. I could hear the music from here. Classical stuff, you know, with the orchestra and the like. Made the girls easy prey, did things to their mind. Tervil, as always, was leaned up against the refreshments, looking ominous. I had no idea why he did it, perhaps he thought it looked nice. I joined him, and put on my best ominous face to bug him.

“Please refrain from ridiculing me, Avidan,” he said almost monotonously. “I may have to annihilate you.”
“Stop with the big words, come on Tervy,” I replied jokingly, prodding him on the shoulder. “Live a little. You’re always moping around, find a girl!”
“Girl? Avidan, as a knight, I hardly have time for-”
“Oi! Tamaka!” I called out, heralding a black haired woman that was walking by. She approached us curiously. “Look, Tervy here is a bit shy, but he thinks you’re damned fine. Would you?” Tervil gave me a look of utmost loathing as Tamaka practically dragged him into the crowd to dance. I mouthed to him, ‘You owe me one’. He gave me a rude look.
Lance approached me. “You realize he’s going to maim you later,” he noted, dark skin contrasting with everyone else’s pale complexions.
“He’ll thank me someday, I know it.” We watched Tervil for a bit, then Steve caught our eye. He was at the edge of the crowd, getting grind from three beautiful women at once. My eye twitched. “Holy fuzzy bunnies! Three?!”
“Young Steve is the next Koler,” observed Lance, amused.
“That’s it. Come on, Lance, let’s dance.” Lance gave me a look of pure repulse, and I punched his arm, fist rebounding off his tough muscle. “Not with each other, you prat. Let’s find some women!” I then proceeded to stalk the perimeter of the dancing crowd, eyes ever scanning for a lone woman. Aha! Prey! I slinked into the dancing mass, dodging couples left and right. I tapped the shoulder of a blonde beauty who was facing the other way, and put on my best charming smile. She turned, and I nearly vomited. She was smiling broadly, almost literally ear to ear, giving me an unenviable view of her blue and green moldy teeth. Her face was plentiful with large crimson boils. She grabbed my hands and started…. Bouncing.
“Oh my god, of course I’ll dance with you, Avvy!”
“But I didn’t-” It was too late. She had snuggled up right against me, arms around my waist, and began rocking back and forth. During a fast paced song. “Um, miss... Miss!” I tried to get her attention, but to no avail. Her head was buried so deeply into my chest, I was afraid she might suffocate. Oh god, did I just feel something on her face pop? “Look, it’s Fude Law!” I called, pointing nowhere in particular, pretending to see the famous actor.
“Oh my god, where!?” she cried, releasing me and running straight into a very large person, who proceeded to stare at her menacingly. I was about to leave for the washroom to clean off my shirt, but a loud and obnoxious voice heralded silence.
“I give you… the soon to be Queen, Raquel!” The music started up again, orchestra emitting a grand and honorable tune as Princess Raquel descended the steps of the Grand Hall. She looked resplendent in a blue dress, white elbow gloves, and a face that would light up any room.
When she reached the bottom of the staircase, she joined her father behind a table stacked with food, although she didn’t touch a bit of it. I didn’t blame her, the ball food was as fattening as McMedieval’s fast food. The applause died and I headed back to the refreshments, where Lance soon followed.
“Any luck?” I asked, throwing bits of food at the poodle, who was slowly advancing on me.
“Not much, just two dances. How about you?”
“Oh, you know me. They were all over me.”
“Would ‘they’ be all of Gertrude Pummeldepott’s boils?”
“We never speak of this, Lance. Never.”
“Oh I don’t know, blackmail is always-” At this point, I scooped up a nearby poodle, and helped it grapple on to Lance’s face.
“Have fun, you two,” I cackled, walking off to go listen in on Tervil and Tamaka. I held my ear to the door to overhear voices.

Written By: Ultima Cow
Edited By: Monk Basher
Coded By: HawaiiGopher